My Inner Critic

My inner critic is a black cloud, one that tells me I have missed my chance to be a writer. Something I loved doing from an early age. 

On my first day at Primary school, it was a shock to the teacher as my Mum had taught me to write and I had a whole story about how the HMS Invincible was coming home from the Falklands war that day, and that my Dad had worked upon as an Engineer.

None of the other kids could even write.

I wanted to be a film maker, but my application to Farnham Art School wanted a massive essay on African cinema, and I had no clue. I am always kept from a destiny somehow by work, laziness, life being a bitch and constant illness.

It is a voice of self doubt that I will never get a chance to become what I truly wanted due to life getting in the way.

.....

Why are you lying in bed, not writing that book, you have lots of material to put in it?

I feel like shit, my leg hurts and I will never get my book done before my time is due.

Your Mum n Dad want a book to remind them of you once you’re gone.

I know, but I feel monged, the pain killers are zonking me out.

It’s your Zoom class today, your online friends are there.

But I’ve not done my homework.

You have still jotted some Skrews down on your phone, why not spend some time tidying them up.

I’ll try, but I know I am just a failure. I am the mug of the group, I sound like a zombie when I talk, I know I do.

It doesn’t matter. It will get you on your laptops and then you can work on your material after class. I am sure no-one cares about your NHS addicted ADHD Psychosis slur n slang.

Probably not but its warm here and I haven’t even dressed.

It’s not a dinner party, I am sure no one will complain that you aren’t in top n tails.

Okay I’ll try but I keep forgetting things like the competition theme, or entry dates. My mind is mangled.

You need to write these down in a file you can access on your phone with reminders and alarms. You know you can write and you don’t have much time left.

I’ll try, at least if I just show my face it’s better than nothing.

Exactly, you never know you might enjoy it.

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