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A "Skrewball poem" , or in short "a Skrew" , is a poem with short lines and multiple rhyming or repeated words, often wi...

Monday 12 February 2024


Skr3w, screw, barney McSkrew,

Screw them all and screw u too,

Been in a screw job n not 2 few,

Diablo witch screwed r whole crew.

Coz a screws a joe pullin u out of bed,

Stand by the wall put ur hands on ur head,

Open ur pockets and spins out ur bed,

A tru screw never 4gets a word uve said.

Coz a screw in the jaws pain u can't ignore,

Dental abcess my raw jaw is sore,

Too many meds n the floor is my whore,

N I can't even KO headbutting the door.

Coz a screw under my tyre is nothing new,

A skank neighbours plan n I've had a few,

Stuck roadside wiv nothing to do,

Ur wallets blank n ur mates r too.

Coz a screw on a driver is a tool jus right,

Always beware of that tool in a fight,

Plunge that shank n rotate it tight,

Bein pulled close as ur pupils unlight.

Coz a screw with a bird cud be overdue,

It could be the best screw u never knew,

Unthread ur stress the best u can do,

Unpop ur cork as ur nads turn blue.

Coz a screw aint a nail still I nailed it gd,

If u had to Google then u misunderstood,

That the thread of this Scr3w was meant 2 b good,

It only rhymes becoz I Skrewed it good.

© 2020 Rob Reid in pain after the dentist put a filling on top of an abscess!

Friday 2 February 2024


Crickle cracked skin, hair slap dashed back,

Simmered red hot tiles, crawled til flesh turned black,

Running down the evil, criminal bent few,

Has a triple sky high, birds eye view.

He secretly caught, the Royal Jack the Ripper,

Princesses thanked him, kisses down trouser zipper.

Always bow tied, clipped chin for the mighty,

Piss alley soaked, wet poor for beggar plighty.

Dark eyed, crooked nose, rugged and black browed,

He slips nip creep crept, like smoke, through many a big crowd.

Simple acts he creates, wonder papers high front page views,

Always fighting crime, for the rights of an oppressed few.

Is he merely just a normal man, short or grandstand?

Truth surprise, alas, but no army sits under his command.

So is he shed hedge bunk or huge mansion slept?

Could it be, one of the cleverest secrets ever kept?

Are you ready, to hunt down, thinly kept whispers of a man unseen?

Following cold alley damp dank info, like a soldiers latrine.

But if you find a clue, follow the thread, pull and strike prey,

Might just find a good man, ready to save your day.

If you're ever stuck, nicked, nuck rucked, or ever miss viewed,

He'll fight might, all right til peeps are unconfused.

He'll never bow down, cry, accuse or even plea,

Cos he's a true stories hero, a real man of mystery.

© 2024 - All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

This won The Creative Writing Groups bi-monthly Competition for Best Poem Jan/Feb 2024.

Thursday 1 February 2024

Valentines Day

Its Valentines Day,

A total love mass-a-cre.

Heart pumped full of lead

Everyone jump in your car.

Write the date down,

It’s the 14th of Feb.

A day to remiss,

Roses prickly n red.


Loves guns go off.

Your tied to the chair,

Spitting out a bloody cough.

Your birds ran home,

Nothing left but blood n gore.

Lay your weapons down,

Rest your heart on the floor.

So loves all around,

But just not in your bed.

So pull your hearts trigger,

And lay down with the dead.

© 2024 – Robert Reid All Rights Reserved

Saturday 2 December 2023

Ho Ho Ho

Ho Ho Ho,

It's Christmas no?

Eat another choclate,

N listen to my flow.

Ho Ho Ho,

Santa's slow,

Drank too much whisky,

Staked his sleigh in snow.

Ho Ho Ho,

I got ice snot cold,

I'd wipe my noggin,

But got no rags 2 blow.

Ho Ho Ho,

The Gov don't know.

Listen to the news,

Seems I got benefit woes.

Ho Ho Ho,

U got any cash 2 borrow?

I'm looking at my balance,

Seeing my overdraft grow.

Ho Ho Ho,

More crap TV shows,

Depressing Eastenders,

Suicide and Murder to go.

Ho Ho Ho,

Pull a cracker Joe.

Unwrap that tat,

It's your best present no?

Ho Ho Ho,

Crossaint honey glow,

Have another mince pie,

Stop your blood flow.

So Ho Ho Ho,

Another years game show,

We all doubled down on debt,

N hoped to win lifes lotto.

© 2023 – Robert Reid All Rights Reserved

Friday 1 December 2023


I say this as a historian n a British Man,

We sure set light a Middle East frying pan.

Post Great War we swapped victory for land,

Made up countries with rulers, drawn in sand.

Imagine a Palestinian boy causing no trouble,

Then an F16 jet turns his home to rubble.

His father screams, a man with month long stuble,

Friends all dig, their hands deep in concrete crumble.

I see nightmares, as all the Palestinians cry,

Having 2 ignore ignorant fools, n news ppl asking why?

Going on, as barrel bombs dropped daily from the sky,

Tally up, another 100 innocent ppl die.

Don't forget, Israel is an occupying state,

They hold the ppl of Gaza's, lives n fate.

Stopping water n fuel is a war crime great,

So dishoused Palestinians, just sit n wait.

Their calories r managed down 2 the decimal point,

N IDF soldiers, kill nurses n docs with hollow points.

They humiliate Palestinians at every checkpoint,

Coz they believe the land they stole was Gods appoint.

Thank God n Allah, Israeli survivors told the truth,

October 7th lies sell like a horror show ticket booth.

No need for them, to watch out for a bomb through the roof,

Coz if your Kosher, your magic book is all u need as proof.

Imagine there was no religion, and people could get along,

No arguments had, about which holy book or scripture was wrong.

The Palestinians should be allowed, to live their lives happy n strong.

So why not let both kids from both sides, play together happy in song.

© 2023 – Robert Reid All Rights Reserved

Saturday 11 November 2023


I’m sick of the system, that keeps me down, 

I’m sick of bent cops, that hound me round town. 

I’m sick of their rules, that tell me what 2 do, 

I’m sick of lies, they feed me as true. 

I don’t need their money, 

I don’t need their jobs. 

I don’t need their gang, 

I don’t need their mob. 

I don’t need their meds, 

I don’t need their pills. 

I don’t need their carers, 

I can't pay their bills. 

I got my own sw33ts, 

I got my own st@sh. 

I got my own p1pe, 

I got my own £cash£. 

I got my own mind, 

I make my own choice. 

I say what I want, 

I got my own voice! 

I’m a rebel, 

I’m a 1der, 

I’m a poet, 

I bring thunder⚡ 

I’m a visionary, 

I made da SKЯ3W, 

I’m a legend, 

I speak da truth. 


Skrew their system, 

Skrew their laws. 

Skrew their crusades, 

Skrew their wars. 

Skrew their power, 

Skrew their hate. 

Skrew their world, 

As they skrew my fate. 

© 2023 Copyright Rob Reid

Sunday 5 November 2023


Lardy Dardy,

We liked to party,

She scouted Smirnoff,

I got Barcardi.

Яoly Poly,

She Didn't kno me,

I liked a good ting,

But she liked pony.

It got crazy,

Brain got hazy,

I was a hermit,

As ppl were raving.

Bish Bash Bosh,

I needed a wash,

Trying 2 pull here,

I'd already lost.

So Daisy Maisy,

Pls come n play me,

I was washed up,

Hungry n lazy.

I was fuck3d up,

Sipped from devil's cup.

Creepin n reaping,

She lifted me right up.

Boiled N Bubble,

I was in trouble,

But she had my back,

Turned cases 2 rubble.

So turn the last page,

Burned out dance stage,

We fell in lov3,

N saw out r old days.

© 2023 – All Rights Reserved Robert Reid