Buzz, buzz, buzz,
It's 3pm n there's ladies at my door.
I don't think I'm in any luck,
Still they want my pants on the floor.
Oh District Nurse, Ladies first,
Come in n scratch my holes.
Please don't make it worse,
I wouldn't want to reverse them roles.
I may still need 2 instruct them,
On the tools of their trade.
A vacuum pump in action,
With faulty errors on display.
One nurse is the lucky one,
As she always gets to visit me.
She never complains less ten bits,
But that's why she's the trainee.
She don't know a black hole from a white one,
Its just all stuff out in space.
The only hole she wants 2 invade,
Is the one in my special place.
They come n change that foam,
Cut some more sticky tape.
I think there should be a website,
To ask a nurse out on a date.
"Come see my hole",
Would be my profile tag.
Then a rush of nurses,
Swipe right 2 see my vacuum bag.
Sometimes they come in one's,
Sometimes they come in two's.
The whole area needs training,
They all need 2 see my hole ooze.
Patch me up n empty that canister,
Leave all their fluff on my floor.
They don't even bother 2 clean up,
Before they're sharpish out my door.
Oh n then there's the District Nurse,
Tall n lovely but a screw loose in her head.
She can undrill it with no fuss,
And we compare hole puss on the bed.
But trainee District Nurse,
It's the last time that we meet.
Do 1 last thing before leave,
N give me your digits for a treat?
I promise it wouldn't be perverse,
My blood pressures 2 low for hot sex.
But we could have phone conversed,
N let me send u pics of my hole by text.
Then you could come n visit,
N look in my hole just for fun.
I'm just so very glad,
That I can't see over my own bum.
With you looking in my hole,
And me looking over ur back,
I think there's a crap film on TV,
I think Mrs Doubtfire's back.
So many District Nurses have come 2 visit,
Plodding n trodding mess up my stairs.
But they always have the best laugh,
As they rip out all my hairs.
I'm happy to have met you nurses,
N I hope u enjoyed healing my hole.
I might just have 2 get a new one,
Just to see you all.
© 2021 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid
That's brilliant Rob! You have the talent to turn a difficult experience into a humorous piece of writing. Seems you got on well with all your nurses. You will miss them as they obviously brought some light into your life when you felt so poorly. Glad you are pump free now!!!
ReplyDeleteDid the nurses like this poem by the way? Do they even know about it?
ReplyDeleteI don't know as I've not seen them since I handed this in at the GP surgery for them to collect so I have no idea. I was hoping they would comment on it but haven't.
ReplyDeleteApparently the District Nurses like it, it what a nurse at the GP surgery said but I wish they would put some of their own comments up!!! :)
ReplyDeleteLike the poem Rob, District Nurses can be like shadows no-one knows we’re around til they need us so thank you for your acknowledgement. Happy to hear you’re well :)
ReplyDeleteHi Rob. We read your poem and think it’s great! Can’t pin it up on the office wall, as I’m sure you’ll understand…Keep up the writing, hopefully you’ll be able to write one about it being healed soon. I think SKREW is my favourite still. Hope you’re keeping well. Take care. Trainee and the rest of the DN team.
ReplyDeleteLOL, I am very really glad you liked it and even more, that you finally commented about it, after all these long lonely cold winter months. Just keeping checking this page every hour, hoping, praying, waiting for a sign, some kind of notification that you ladies like it :)
ReplyDeleteHowever, I think you should have put District Nurses in the NAMEW/URL option, rather than going anonymous. People will think it's the hacking group not women in blue uniforms.
One day I will be a famous writer, and as you can obviously tell from my work, a quality romantic poet, and then you ladies will wish you had put your name here as "district nurse" on this page, as it will probably be worth tens of thousands of pounds, as part of my "hospital series" - part 1.
Thanks for the comments though, I am glad I finally now know you read and liked it. It means a lot to me that you helped my hole heal...!
I hope Trainee has read a science book by now and knows what goes on when she looks up in the sky, up deep in space, and I hope the nurse with the skrew in her head likes the name I made for the type of poetry I do, writing SKREWS about nurses and rhymes full of curses, and to the other nurses who all asked to hear "Junior Doctor" I am glad you liked it.
Maybe you could print that out and leave it on a hospital or GPs wall if you can't print this rhyme out. I am sure they will appreciate it....??
Rob