I’ve got the pain, the pain, that anxious pain in my head again.
I don’t wanna go out coz I got the shame, that shame of forgetting peeps’ names.
Do u see those eyes on me, balling me, balling me, eyeballing me in the shop?
I don’t want 2 speak coz my brain is gonna stall on me, stall on me, make me stutter, choke n stop.
I wanna curl up in a ball n just crawl into a deep dark hole n hide.
But I’m forced to see people eyeballing me, balling me n looking unhappy n snide.
The anxiety hits me so bad, whenever I get stressed or rushed 4 time.
I used 2 make it worse, full paranoid schizo, by doing cheeky pub toilet top lines.
When I see peeps’ I don’t know in the street coming @ me, I walk past em a mile n a half wide.
N when I can’t find my wallet or phone, I’m on that dark painful panic filled slide.
All I wanna do is get my meds, my pills, crunch em up, n hopefully knock myself out.
Coz I can’t handle the fear when people get upset with me or angry n scream n shout.
What have I done to deserve this constant fear n anxious pain?
All I do is repeat the same steps n get that fear over n over again.
Where’s my keys, I’ve lost them, have u seen em? I’m gonna go mad.
Ten minutes later I realise there in my pockets so deep, I already had.
So just give me my meds, my pills n capsules, I need 2 calm down.
I’ve been on em so long, my script would knock any Zoo Elephant down.
N I can’t get off em coz I need professional help n time, which aint even here.
So talk of Detox n using Mindfulness or CBT, is not even near.
It seems the Government has shut down all the free rehabs 2 save on their cash.
They think I can just cut down at home alone, I wouldn’t even get a good bash.
No1 understands the fear n panic from anxiety I get in my head.
So I just put up with the pain, the fear, the balling n stay in my bed.
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