White Lie

I staggered home drunk trying to look at my watch. It was almost 1am, and the Lockin was only short but it was enough for 6 rounds of double vodka's. I scrambled my pockets for my keys, there were far too many pockets on this damn coat I thought as I was searching each in turn.

Holly would be steaming, I thought in my head. I was supposed to be back no later than 11.30 to watch the recording of EastEnders she had made due to staying late at work. Not that I gave a toss, EastEnders was probably the most depressing TV show ever made. I hated the damn show. I only put up with it as I could have a quick snooze with my head on her shoulder as we curled up on the sofa.

I tried the inside pocket for the 3rd time it seemed and still I couldn't find any keys, they just weren't in my jacket. I liked the idea when I had bought this coat, of all of the small hidden hideaway holes I could stash shit in, but when it came to getting things I needed back out quickly it was a God damn nightmare. I just had too many pockets, too many bloody pockets.

Bollox I must have dropped them or left them down the Alex, I thought as I tripped over my own shoe and nearly fell into a bush on the way up to the front door. I was going to have to buzz it, and get Holly to let me in. 

She would be mad I could imagine as I pressed the buzzer and half fell asleep, head on the door, and hand stuck on the constantly ringing bell.

Within what seemed like minutes, or maybe hours, the door opened and in front of me stood Holly in her Jim Jams, she did not look happy. 

“Where have you been?” She almost shouted at me, as my two eyes tried to focus on a single person rather than the three Holly's I could see in front of me. I would have to think of some bull to tell her why I was late and buzzing the door rather than stealthy slipping into bed so she didn't notice after obviously cooking a fry up, leaving the gas on and setting off the fire alarms.

“It was Dave's birthday”, I said, it was the first thing that had come to my head, I don't know why but I had to run with it.

“I'd totally forgotten and they threw a party for him down the pub”. If she knew I had lost my keys again for the 3rd time this year she would be steaming I thought. “I just can't find my keys in my pockets but I am sure they are there otherwise I wouldn't have woke you my lovely.” I blew a drunken kiss at the 3 girls standing in front of me.

“So why are you so late then?” came back the response.

“Well I had totally forgotten about his birthday and had to rush down the town centre after work and grab a present for him. I got him a nice wallet, took ages to find, so I was late getting down the pub”.

“Ok, you got him a wallet”, she turned around, good quick blag over. “What colour was it?” she said as she stopped walking towards the stairs. Why is she is following up, is this being recorded, do I need a brief?

“Err, brown, it was a lovely brown wallet” I replied as quick as I could. She started moving again, good, no more questions. Then she stopped again.

“Leather or plastic” came another question. For fucks sake, what is this, an interview with Jack the Ripper down the Met.

“Leather, it always has to be leather, for a decent man's wallet.” I answered hoping the grill would be over.

“That's nice of you, I forgot his birthday also. I must send Linda a text apologising.” Holly laughed.

Bollox, Linda was Dave's wife, and Holly and her got on like a house on fire, always texting each other on WattsCrap and FaceFuck. Why why why, did they text so much. Holly probably knew Dave's birthday, anniversary, and the date he left school. A memory like an Elephant, compared to a drunks mind like a sieve. 

She pulled out her phone and started texting, speech to text obviously so I could hear every word. “Sorry I forgot about Dave's birthday, I hope the wallet James got him was nice” she sent. Fuck, she just had to go and ruin my blag.

Shit I thought as the room started to spin. Dave's birthday isn't til 3 months away. I just hope Linda doesn't reply as I fell into the house and landed on the floor, snuggling up to the fluffy slippers Holly was wearing.

Lies Lies Lies, who gives a toss, as I lied comfortably on the floor and fell asleep. It was a good night.

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