Anxiety

I’ve got the pain, the pain, that anxious pain in my head again.

I don’t wanna go out coz I got the shame, that shame of forgetting peeps’ names.

Do u see those eyes on me, balling me, balling me, eyeballing me in the shop?

I don’t want 2 speak coz my brain is gonna stall on me, stall on me, make me stutter, choke n stop.

I wanna curl up in a ball n just crawl into a deep dark hole n hide.

But I’m forced to see people eyeballing me, balling me n looking unhappy n snide.

The anxiety hits me so bad, whenever I get stressed or rushed 4 time.

I used 2 make it worse, full paranoid schizo, by doing cheeky pub toilet top lines.

When I see peeps’ I don’t know in the street coming @ me, I walk past em a mile n a half wide.

N when I can’t find my wallet or phone, I’m on that dark painful panic filled slide.

All I wanna do is get my meds, my pills, crunch em up, n hopefully knock myself out.

Coz I can’t handle the fear when people get upset with me or angry n scream n shout.

What have I done to deserve this constant fear n anxious pain?

All I do is repeat the same steps n get that fear over n over again.

Where’s my keys, I’ve lost them, have u seen em? I’m gonna go mad.

Ten minutes later I realise there in my pockets so deep, I already had.

So just give me my meds, my pills n capsules, I need 2 calm down.

I’ve been on em so long, my script would knock any Zoo Elephant down.

N I can’t get off em coz I need professional help n time, which aint even here.

So talk of Detox n using Mindfulness or CBT, is not even near.

It seems the Government has shut down all the free rehabs 2 save on their cash.

They think I can just cut down at home alone, I wouldn’t even get a good bash.

No1 understands the fear n panic from anxiety I get in my head.

So I just put up with the pain, the fear, the balling n stay in my bed.

© 2023 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

Time

I’ve been messed up a long time, it's been pretty purgatorial.

Life’s been a constant running with death, it was life’s hard tutorial.

Slip that sharp under skin, one time it was daily dictatorial.

Flush the purple not the red or you’ll end up a crematorium memorial.

I can eat more sweets than any pharmacist can order weekly.

From blues to the Xans, I used to seek out any going smarties.

Just chug down the pills 2 stop them jerks, please God quickly.

Coz I got no time for the rhyme when I'm sick, so please ask me meekly.

Life's lessons over time have been dealt out quite harshly.

Been runnin after hard working, just to get myself fed well daily.

Scoring bits in the park in the dark, like a McDonalds drive thru quickly.

Coz if I get caught n go to court, I know I’d be locked up definitely.

I got a thing in my head that keeps me from acting socially normal.

I try to forget all the debt n the sweats but I reckon I was born abnormal.

Kicked from shrink to HUB when young, it was life’s long trip eternal.

I try to be honest so they always script me up, thick like a journal.

So I stay in hospital 4 a week every month but I'm not easy 2 manage.

And when I get out of this head of mine, I can easily make severe damage.

N I'd rather eat chocolate, than a healthy cheese n tomato sandwich.

But when I'm dosed up you'll find me nice n mellow, I'm quite well-mannered.

Sometimes I hear sounds all around n it sends me a bit crazy.

So I pop a few sweets with a swill n wake up on the floor all dopey n hazy.

U can't expect me to cop a plea to insanity when I'm locked up already daily.

Stuck in my flat with no-one to talk to, so my brain inner talks to me madly.

I'm more depressed than the rest but I still jest carefree.

Although inside I'm a ball of anxiety n silently my brains all twitchy.

I'm paranoid my Androids spying on me so I tape it up, please NSA don't watch me.

I'm on no-fly and no-read lists, coz the USA all seem to hate me.

I don't take anti this n anti that no more, coz it’s all poison in a pill.

They dumb you down and keep you fat and tired, it's all big pharma pigs swill.

So I have to take downers instead coz it's that double bed I want to kill.

But getting off them sweets is a strength n I don't have the inner will.

So let me have more money it does grow on trees, just ask the government’s treasury.

They print it off daily with interest fees, just paid back by you n me.

Just believe it’s worth more than the paper, coz it’s got the Queens mug on a twenty.

N when inflation makes it worth nothing, we will all go begging together plenty.

Maybe heavens not up there n I don't care, if I float in space eternally.

Coz time goes too fast that now n the past only last momentarily.

N if Quantum mechanics is correct then you better bet that consciousness is holy.

And Spacetime is nothing but a concept until someone observes it very slowly.

So time is just an idea and a life’s trek from birth to death runs repeatedly.

We tread those steps with the false thought that we all act independently.

But block time means time doesn't exist and we all dance deterministically.

To whoever’s tune I don't know but it don't matter, coz times just a fantasy.

© 2022 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

Happy New Year Skrew 2022

It's a fucking Ho Ho, 20 22,

N a happy Omicron New Year to U.

I'm sorry 2 say that the news is true,

That the UK Gov is legally spying on U.

I said it many times n years B4,

That we'd all B getting a Social Credit Score.

It's something most people chose 2 ignore,

Now nothings private inside your very own door.

From physical to mental health probs,

To ur ability n right to get decent jobs.

N crimes committed or assumed by plastic Bobs,

To ur lifestyle choices n whether ur lazy slobs.

Yes China's been used as the West's test bed,

And a few million Uyghurs R probably already dead.

Bill Gates quotes about Commies can easily B found n read,

N the Billionaire class got richer whilst we all bled.

Its blatant they used COVID 2 bend us all over,

Now posh suits think they can jus walkover.

It's like a 3 year old Plandemic sick hangover,

And R rights R left rotting like XMAS dinner leftovers.

Now don't go thinking that I'm jus joking, 

Coz I aint been bong smoking or even herb toking.

The Government's plan aint even had any cloaking,

From new laws raining down we'll all B wet soaking.

If you wanna check it out just go read my site,

I got links to Government laws that'll set u right.

Some Spanish Docs think vaccines weren't even made right,

N even BBC admits a third of the jabbed feel pure shite. 

These leaky vaccines r nout but ching for Big Pharma,

Maybe 1 day these companies will get their own Karma.

I've had enough of Government Dr Fauci melodrama,

N once this shit is over I'll hopefully be much calmer.

So welcome to another Happy COVID New Year,

I hope U don't all go walking around in fear.

Each mutation seems 2 get weaker n easier 2 clear,

Coz Omicron Colds might end this all n get us a decent beer.

© 2022 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

Money....

Money, money, money,

Money, money, money,

I never, ever ever, got nuff money, 

Always needing more, more n more money, 

N I when I need it most, I can't get no money.

What do you do you do, when u got no money?

You get in debt, ur friends get funny.

I want some tasty food, n I wanna a full belly,

But I need those tings, dat cost more money.

I need more money, who cares if the weathers sunny,

My mind is fixed, on getting dat money.

I need those meds, that cost so much money,

N I'd like to drink that juice, dat cost much money.

I used 2 drink dat strong cider, that cost little money,

Still wallet got blank, n my tummy got scummy.

I need dem good pills, but the doctor won't fund me,

So I have to beg, pls Sir, spend some cash on me.

Parents think I'm scum, coz I always ask 4 money,

But to wake up not feeling sick, costs lots of money.

So those things ur told 2 buy, that cost chunks of money,

I wish I could scrub, coz I got no money.

But I jus can't stop, coz my nose is very runny,

And this world is made of debt, n debt is real money,

Food costs money, n tools cost money.

We could all share tings, but ppl think that's funny,

Look at me n stare, as if I'm a Red Commie,

Try n explain, that we don't need fiat currency,

The Gov won't allow it, coz they want r debt money,

And Bank of England, jus prints funny money.

Crypto currency, n decentralised money,

If I cud hack ur computer, I cud mine more money.

Tories are scum, n Labour aint honey,

No party rep me, they all want more money.

Income tax was supposed 2 b, 4 one war only,

But then it stuck around, coz Gov's blag was phoney.

VAT tax, and inheritance money,

It all goes to the top, n they love taking r money.

I want to stick around, but every day costs more money,

N if I want to live, I need much more money.

So what do I do if I can't get more money?

I go n rob n bank, 2 steal back my own money.

Then I'm put away, coz stealing aint funny,

Is a noose round my neck, da only way 2 pay back money?

© 2021 – All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid

Inspired by poem by Benjamin Zephaniah - "Money"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k2TiNi9w-XE

This Is A Shit Show....

Do you believe the countries gone insane?

Fruit drink bugs gonna eat your brain,

Please someone come feel my pain,

Coz I'm alone, stone broke and afraid.

So many unnecessary people dying,

And big men are heart broke, dropped crying.

Dickhead selfish off panic buying,

An all police want to do is fuckin cite me.

Because my health is a fucking shit show,

On more meds than ten Grannies I know.

Blood eeks from the leaks, legs on show,

An bubbles pop from the snot on nose blows.

It's a sweat tank, drip drop, sorry state to be,

And Gandalf's beards half grown face on me.

Grey whiskers and no razors I can see,

Sofa dove already, one two twenty pee.

All tin cans, been scanned, and bin bagged,

Rotten fruit but it's the best meal I've had.

Got no idea if I'll ever see my Mum and Dad,

When I go out, scarf wrapped face, tight clad.

Coz this Town is a fucking shit show,

And my mental health is nagging bad, full blown.

My inner brains having a decent chat show,

And I'm socially isolated, nowhere to go.

Coz I can't even make some decent Ps,

Nags aint running, bookies closed on high street.

I need some soft paper to wipe my underneath,

But got no petrol to fly off to the heath.

Coz it seems like this worlds in martial law,

It's a sign many have seen years before.

I'd be surprised if they relaxed all new laws,

Get used to sweating hot all summer indoor.

I swear I got bugs sucking thoughts from my brain,

Not a days passed that I've been half sane.

Only got a Pot Noodle and half a can of K,

And not a single neighbours asked if I'm okay.

Coz this countries a fucking shit show,

BoJo clown, Tory fucking road show.

Every booked ops gonna be a no show,

And I'd risk ten new fines to make some quick dough.

So this rope here is going to stay,

You never know I might need to use it one day.

I let it swing back n forth an give it a play,

Then kick the chair, doped choked, merry on my way.

© 2020 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

Licence Fee

Licence feee, I don't pay for it, no want BBC.

I got Netflix, Prime n BeeTV,

OneHD, Potato Streams and free Pay Per View TV,

Mobdro sports, football and UFC.

I don't watch live shows, my brains catch up TV,

Art Bell at night on TuneIn radio,

Pluto shows and Bitchute video n audio.

Facebook, YouTube don't fuck with me,

Your algorithms demote free speech, can't you see?

My minds escaped Googles box and moved to Pirate Bay,

TOR Browser, uTorrent, I watch films I want my way.

I got respect for film makers and out thought thinkers,

But don't wanna get stuck in your Adsense click baiters.

I turn cookies off and proxy 3 ways,

Internets dark web is free thought my way.

You've ripped blogs from me n ripped up years work for notin,

I'm fed up with your knowledge base, let me speak to a real man.

Internet and Googles,“do no evil”,

NSA's behind all that, like da bike behind Evil Kneivel.

I got no more to say, go read da law on my wall,

Tink about da small print, as I throw you down ma hall.

TV inspector, go swivel, I'm plugged in no more,

To your indoctrination stations, I'm a mainline information whore.

So go tink about dat, as your van sneaks down ma street,

Paying no more to listen, no Government double speak.

 

© 2020 – All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid