After the Christmas rush John had January resolutions, passing through his mind. He wanted to get fit, possibly join a gym, but had doubts whether he would last until February.
He had been playing around on the tablet looking at local gym membership options, but then when it got to the 10th, and he still hadn't joined anywhere, he decided to close all the tabs, and delete all of the browsing history and cookies. He didn't want to get constant gym adverts as he was on Facebook, however they still came after him, It was like a man in a mask, and he felt haunted by a monster from a horror film.
John wasn't aware of the server side Android Advertising ID, he hadn't reset, or the leakage of data from his phone that was constantly keeping an eye om what he was doing.
It was too cold to go outside, so he spent most of the day on one device or another. He was still working from home, another one of the Furloughed, post COVID, socially destructed society.
Every time, he went onto the web, constant gym membership offers would pop up, with deals, and motivational bollox. He would get so frustrated that sometimes he would spend more time working out how to prevent these adverts from showing, rather than doing his job.
He had tried to reinstall FireFox, which didn't work, and was now using a more modern web browser called Brave, but still the horrors of gym membership adverts followed him wherever he went online.
He didn't understand the new paradigm he was now living in. Cookies didn't matter anymore, a digital fingerprint of his Geo Location, IP address and many other identifying pieces of info about him, sat on millions of gym, sports, and even Thai Chi walking servers, around the World.
There was no hiding anymore from the BOTs and ads. He was now living in Kier Starmer's Stasi Britain, and the digital fingerprints ensured there was no escape from people who could easily sit on the other side of his webcam, watching him futilely trying to delete away his mistake.
It got so bad, that one day he Retweeted a Jeremy Clarkson post on X, about the Epstein friend, and Savile inquiry squashing, Pedo in Chief, Kier Starmer. Then within only a couple days, he was met at the front door by 4 Policemen. He had never spoken to a cop before but now was the time.
He was arrested for hateful online speech under the new Digital Safety Act, and he spent the rest of 2026 in Winchester Prison kitchens, learning to cook.
When John finally came out in January 2027, he immediately quit his job, and disposed of all laptops and tablets. He even got rid of hid Smart Phone and bought a burner of ome of his sons drug dealers. The final step was getting a job as a trainee chef in the local restaurant.
There were no pots or pans, or simmering vegetables, able to pop gym membership ads up at him, and he loved being free of his electronic spies in his pocket. The January of 2027 he spent surrounded by the bustle of new friends, lots of people, and finally John was enjoying life once more.
The Brucey Bonus, was that due to his new job working standing up instead of sitting down all day, he actually lost over 1 stone in weight by February. Working with his hands, meant he would actually never need a gym membership to pass through his thoughts again, and he loved it.
© 2026 - All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid
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