I'm Not Going Out Like That.....

To be honest I've been thinking a lot about suicide,

I don't want to die alone, not knowing where I am, no shame to hide.

Pants down grown man, being washed like a kid who cries,

Minds all turned to mush, your own memories a tall lie.

So I've decided I'm not going out like that,

The only decision is to find a way to sucker that bat.

Pills n Whisky my old man says is his only choice of going splat,

A single malt mixed with sleepers n then a fall into a whisky vat.

For me I need more, n I dunno what kind of painless way,

Don't need 2 be spending a ton on pills n powder 2 not only go one way.

I need so much dark, XANS n booze, I'll have to start saving today,

A piggy bank stash of cash all wrapped up, set for my final day.

It may seem to you like I'm taking the coward's way out,

When you've been stuck with senile men, you wouldn't have any doubt.

I ain't going out like that, an old grown man baby without any clout,

Think it's braver to use a shooter, N blow my own mushed brains straight out.

That day will certainly come but I have no idea of the time n date n when,

I just hope I don't go senile first, N 4get to pull that trigger again.

Coz yesterday was supposed 2 be my last on earth, with a failing brain,

I forgot 2 write a post-it note 2 tell me 2 flush my life down the drain again!

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