SKЯ3W

Skr3w, screw, barney McSkrew,

Screw them all and screw u too,

Been in a screw job n not 2 few,

Diablo witch screwed r whole crew.

Coz a screws a joe pullin u out of bed,

Stand by the wall put ur hands on ur head,

Open ur pockets and spins out ur bed,

A tru screw never 4gets a word uve said.

Coz a screw in the jaws pain u can't ignore,

Dental abcess my raw jaw is sore,

Too many meds n the floor is my whore,

N I can't even KO headbutting the door.

Coz a screw under my tyre is nothing new,

A skank neighbours plan n I've had a few,

Stuck roadside wiv nothing to do,

Ur wallets blank n ur mates r too.

Coz a screw on a driver is a tool jus right,

Always beware of that tool in a fight,

Plunge that shank n rotate it tight,

Bein pulled close as ur pupils unlight.

Coz a screw with a bird cud be overdue,

It could be the best screw u never knew,

Unthread ur stress the best u can do,

Unpop ur cork as ur nads turn blue.

Coz a screw aint a nail still I nailed it gd,

If u had to Google then u misunderstood,

That the thread of this Scr3w was meant 2 b good,

It only rhymes becoz I Skrewed it good.

© 2020 Rob Reid in pain after the dentist put a filling on top of an abscess!

SKЯ3W 2

SKЯ3W Epstein, n screw the news,

Vampire Satanic shiz, giving me the blues. 

Skr3w the elite, n Skrew the u know who's,

This GoySlops makes us not know what to do.

Right this is a Skrewball all bout SkЯ3win, 

It's flesh rot bog clot, hot pot stewin. 

I don't care what u might now be doin,

It's time 2 get rap tight, wrong write, SЯ3wball Skrewing.  

So the main man ain't 2 happy,

Got a goggled eyed baby, whose turned too dappy.

His wife's asked him 2 change his nippers nappy,

Coz his baby's assholes, gone all crappy. 

Sloppy gloopy sunny side ups,

His misses needs a proper measuring cup. 

She can't cook eggs so wats da fux up, 

Man needs a woman, 2 clean up his muck up. 

 So fuck this, he's off for a drive,.

But got blue lights flashin, right behind,

TBH he don't really mind,

He shudn't B driving, wen he's legally blind.

So he gets pulled over by the dibble,

There mouths R frothing wiv spit n dribble.

He's getting nicked by PC Wibble,

So cold out here, he's got beach bra nipple.

Man is 1 that don't take shit, from might right bissies,

So gets right fightin tight n silly. 

Then some cock cop, whacks him in the willy. 

N now gettin clobbered by their extended Billy's. 

 

So now he's in a wagon with a piss head,

Blood splattered alchie, drunk ol dick head.

Get 2 the station 2 get his rights read,

Put in a box 4 a night's free blue bed. 

 But at midnight he gets a real cop treat, 

3 blue come in n he g3ts a mattress beat.

One cop gives him a feather tickle on his feet, 

N another 1 gives his balls a mighty ol tweak. 

Black blue bubbling cop rot shop,

Escaped from jail, nearly got shot. 

Black eye, red eye, nose n snot, 

Base balled legs n bloods runnin hot. 

But that's the fun of the cops, 

Get 6 o'clock knocks on his battered door box. 

Rushes to hide all his stolen sox, 

N hides his stash like a sly ol fox. 

Now got s chicken soup, hot rash, nut sack, 

Seems 2 hv got cock rot, from lovin his slag, 

But she's in a hump coz she's on the rag, 

So off 2 da clinic, 4 a spatula down his crack. 

Smallpox, chicken pox, hd em all, small pup, 

Bone rot, head blok, now got a sore Cock, 

Balls hot, pants dropped, dox got a real shock, 

Now it's pecker slot, red hot as in goes da spatula pop.

So this is a bubbled up, fucked up, mental Skrew,

Wat it means I ain't got a fxxking clue. 

But I'm jus Skrewballing, all Of u,

N that's my homework for u writing crew,

 

© 2026 - All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid

 

Ho Ho Ho

Ho Ho Ho,

It's Christmas no?

Eat another choclate,

N listen to my flow.

Ho Ho Ho,

Santa's slow,

Drank too much whisky,

Staked his sleigh in snow.

Ho Ho Ho,

I got ice snot cold,

I'd wipe my noggin,

But got no rags 2 blow.

Ho Ho Ho,

The Gov don't know.

Listen to the news,

Seems I got benefit woes.

Ho Ho Ho,

U got any cash 2 borrow?

I'm looking at my balance,

Seeing my overdraft grow.

Ho Ho Ho,

More crap TV shows,

Depressing Eastenders,

Suicide and Murder to go.

Ho Ho Ho,

Pull a cracker Joe.

Unwrap that tat,

It's your best present no?

Ho Ho Ho,

Crossaint honey glow,

Have another mince pie,

Stop your blood flow.

So Ho Ho Ho,

Another years game show,

We all doubled down on debt,

N hoped to win lifes lotto.

© 2023 – Robert Reid All Rights Reserved

Blank

Blank, blank, 

Blankety Blank,

Got no wheels with throttle,

My life is wank.

I've got to that stage,

In a hospital cage.

Where's my brain?

Scared 2 turn that page.

Drip drip,

Drip, drop, drip.

Stop them beeps,

Clickity click.

Blood stained hands,

N broken pans.

But a penny weighs a penny.

And a fag weighs a gram.

Shrinks n Docs have a meeting,

Am I there? Where's my seating?

2 of my minds often collide,

Forgotten goodbyes, forgotten greetings.

You take this n I'll take that,

Falling downstairs n baseball bats.

So give me more pills and ignore the meows,

Looking so scared as they tighten the sack.

I'm not really sure,

If I'm rotten to the core?

My mind's so blank,

Does anyone care anymore?

Sometimes it seems,

Life's just one long dream.

It was coffee one sugar,

N they skipped the cream.

Still, I had a good go,

Despite meds making me slow. 

Pharmacy's dealings,

Kept my brain from healing.

So here I am,

Mangled cold spam.

Only in my forties,

A blank brained man.

© 2023 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

Light

Light, Light, turn out the lights,

Red laser beam, it shines so bright.

Fall on the floor and duck n cover,

I’ve had too much n I don’t want to suffer.

Cold sweat soup with drips of blood,

Cuts so deep it’ll be a red flood.

But the lights so bright I can’t take any more,

The 6 o’clock knock and the police at my door.

Stuck in a cell with a blue mattress,

Times flying by I wouldn’t wish this.

Cells lights so bright it burns my eyes,

I got hot nose sniffles, n red eye cry.

Knock, knock, that 6 o’clock knock,

I used to wake up at 6 and hide any food I got.

Psyched out, it’s been too many years,

I wake at 6, thinking the doorbell rang in my ears.

I hate this life and I hate this shiz,

But two weeks clean n I’ll be dreaming of this.

Can’t help myself but I can help others,

Easy to preach with a penny of b undiscovered.

I sneak in the bog anytime I like,

Pull down my pants and turn on the light.

Need a long green I got to dig so deep,

Into my flesh I hunt veins to sleep.

Dream, dreams, please let me dream,

Vivid opiate dreams of a life so clean.

But I can’t stop, I’m stuck, stuck to the clock,

Can’t go 8 hours without starting a cluck.

Rattle n roll, n a devil jacked soul,

But I got to suffer if I want outta this hole.

They say some have done it but I don’t believe it’s true,

The only ones who escaped, went out cold and blue.

So I got this light in my head so bright,

I want to turn it off n say hello to the night.

But it’s a 3-month hunt for sleep you see,

Go to bed at 1 n wake at 3.

So I got excuses n plans at least a mile high,

N if u try n force me, I’ll pretend I’ll try.

But the river of dark, it runs so deep,

When u find my body, it will be the only thing to keep.

So turn off the lights I like living in the dark,

It’s a life for a few and it’s no entertainment park.

© 2022 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

2021

We R now all living in a police state,

U thought I was joking a year back big mistake.

BoJo lies n toos n frows about a covid passport,

It was never in doubt, a 100% thought.

We r now just data in a 4th gen database,

Just stick to the rules serf, know ur place.

Police break up gatherings, n follow dog walkers with drones,

Try n explain wats goin on, people respond wiv moans.

We must all do it, "to get back to normal" ppl say, 

Well what's normal now, wasnt just a yr away.

Your all just compliant n docile.

I'm fucking defiant n vocal.

I want 1984 to go back to being a book,

This wasn't the way Orwell thought our land wud look.

So stick heads out ass n read from the many cancelled,

N then maybe dem brains wouldn't be so scrambled. 

© 2021 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

Runnins....

Runnins, runnins, I'm always running,

My minds doing 100 but my body aint responding.

I go to the hospital, it's a weekly routine,

To find out if I get to keep my legs or my spleen,

Yesterday they sent me to the wrong place, but only 3 times,

If they just said the ward name, I'd have found it just fine.

I've been there so much, I know the place inside n out,

As I walk the corridors, even the porters give us a shout.

I'm lying on a bed, boxers rolled up for a scan.

A lovely Nepalese bird is jellying me up, and I'm feeling her hand.

She looks like my ex, and I haven't had a touch,

My hand is pressed tight by her thigh, as she scans up my crotch.

It's only a tease, but I've missed that touch so much,

I don't think I can do this lock-up no longer, without going corrupt.

On the bus home my blower, is blowing me up,

Punters, n runners, n blaggers are fucking my brain up.

I get off the bus n go into my local shop,

B4 I dip into my pocket n my wallet is scotch.

I try to chase the bus, but my legs r too bust-up,

So I ring up Stagecoach, praying to Zeus 4 pick-up.

Explain to the man, other end that my wallets, Bus no 3,

He promises to search, and 2 definitely call me.

My minds going crazy, old mans telling me cancel cards,

Hearts pumping too fast, my bonce is in parts.

I'm road racing my car, to clamp those notes off the dopes,

I gotta be quick or I'll be pulling up, sick, white n choke.

I'm always runnin and runnin, it never seems to end,

Some days when I put sweets in my gob, I pray for a quick end.

Runnins n runnins, been running since 16,

I got the map, the scars, and my streets are mean.

Then I get a blow my on car dash, unknown number scans up,

It's only Stagecoach, who starts convo “Good luck”.

I'm beaming like chud, but still got runnins to do,

Still I handbrake the car, speed off, brand new.

I get to the Bus station, n buzz on their front door,

Wondering outside what scrotes taken my score.

Man comes to the step and hands me my leather,

I pray to the Gods as I open that treasure.

No notes been taken, n all my cards are still there,

I got my cards n my wad, n for once someone’s been fair.

Still I got my runnins, and runnins, I got places to be,

Matey is waiting at One Stop, for quarter past three.

I'm back on the skids and the roads, as I'm toking CBD,

My minds half at rest, or at the least it can be.

I finish my runnins get home, phone straight off.

Take what I can, as I fall on the bed to raise leg up.

I wake up at 1am, get up to hack n code betting tips,

NAPS, Each Way runners, and hopefully an acca to get rich.

Then I dot out this ditty coz runnins define me,

It cannot be changed, it's life long runnins for me.

© 2021– All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid

Happy New Year Skrew 2021

It's Happy New Year 2021, N I say Fuck U 2,

All lockdowns done has made my brain melt n make veins turn blue.

Stuck indoors all year long alone, wiv fuck all to do,

N if BoJo don't sort it out soon, then we'll fuck him right off too.

Still I lay down a scores bet, 2 anyone reading right here,

That in 365 days time we'll be repeating this night sat here.

Mutated viruses, Police State n fear porn right in ur ear,

Coz 2020 was just test mode, 2021 they're going full gear.

Lockdowns will be constant, state news rotting heads from inside,

Pigs r now allowed 2 stop u on a whim, jus 4 going on a ride.

Old ppl r so scared, they actually thank BoJo 4 locking them inside,

N Ill throw a 100 unwashed masks, 2 fill a shit pit, 100ft wide.

Coz if u aint been watching, Dems hero Biden is bent 100 n ten ways,

U thought Trump was a fool but he didn't start putting kids in a cage.

N he didn't privatise prisons, 2 lock up poor blacks, work 4 no wage,

He's jus gone n refilled that swamp, all the rich lobbyists hv bn paid.

600 dollars stimulus, when u've jus lost ur job n ur healthcare,

But still they paid 4 speed boats in Sri Lanka, without a single care.

Coz stimulus to Congress is Pork for people in need elsewhere,

N no progressive in “the squad”, will vote down Pelosi, they jus don't dare.

Coz 2021 is gonna be a hell of a year n one to definitely fear,

If I'm proved wrong on this, I'll happily buy u all a beer.

But if I'm forced to work 4 Amazon, pls giv us a heartfelt cheer,

When I look around #altnews all I see is pure logic n real fear.

All the Great Reset is, nothing but a Global Great Defect,

N not one educated knowing want, or will readily accept.

The 1% in charge will love it, those with dark secrets kept,

But the 550'll still be blogging it, as long as there’s still an Internet.

So turn on ur VPN, Peerblock port 80, and uTorrent from this week,

Coz soon u'll be banged up with me, all 4 unapproved Re-Tweets.

The Chinese Orwellian Biden Presidency will hv u marching to their beat,

Until enuff brave tools grow tall, n get up marching on their feet.

2021 is a turning point and one we must get ready for,

Useless untested vaccines with side effects, still they'll stick em in ur pores.

You'll own nothing, have no privacy, but be happy, what else cud u want more?

And if u don't believe me, it's gone mainstream, just read a little more!

© 2021 – All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid

Smell...

This Skr3w is new, and I dunno wat 2 do,

Bashed ten blues, but my minds still on u.

Tried 2 get up but my duvets stuck like glue,

Lying here cashless thinking who to sue.

Ur just a lovely brunette and I want 2 smell ur hair,

Give me 5 mins, I don't give a toss wat u wear.

Don't wanna get close, n I'm always aware,

That peeps think a bloke like me, cud never ever care.

I don't hav the words to spit to u online,

N u'd prob be miffed if u ever heard this rhyme.

Can't write love songs, they wudn't hv that chime,

And I run 2 much to even have the time.

I jus like that smile when u don't even know,

Flick of that brown, putting on a show.

Your the sort of girl that I'd really like to know,

But the chance of the bet is I'd prob let it blow.

So I sit here alone n just twiddle wiv my phone,

Hoping every min that u'd catch the dog n bone.

Coz the truth of the matter is I'll prob end up alone,

N that Facefuck profile I stare at, is prob just a clone.

© 2020 – All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid

Finally They Come....

They finally come out to my homeless park BBQ, 

Get to the back jack, be quiet, and just queue queue queue,

Burned meat and charcoal but at least it aint your Mum's chunky stale stew.

So just stick it in your mouth peeps, and just chew chew chew.

It's a summer time rhyme with plenty of nonsensical lines,

Plenty of time, so we pack the bongs nice, fat and tight.

We pass the tube round and round til the moon fades at night.

Staring at the birds looking so so fine, getting a smile if you glance just right.

Summer time crew and we all say “Fuck the boys in blue”,

Put four cops together and get the brains of just two.

Let them run round, fining unmasked devils in shops and queues,

Sticking our fingers up as they pass, coz we all hate hypocrites in blue.

Coz we're all here lying out in the shinning, beaming hot sun,

And its double hard now trying to get some real fun for some.

Boys n girls are raving to the max, all popping molly one by one,

And that blonde in the thong has got my dong throbbing like a drum, bom bom.

We're out all night til the moon comes up, and then it leaves and goes,

Lying on the grass letting weeds grow through my ten duff toes.

Night changes to light and the crew whittles, as peeps start to go off home,

But I wake up on my own, with no home to go back to, all alone.

© 2020 – All Rights Reserved - Rob Reid - Competition Winner

This won The Creative Writing Groups bi-monthly Competition for Best Poem August 2020

Butterfly

The one winged butterfly, he tried so hard yet flew too high,

Two flaps for one he done, and he almost touched the sky.

But burned hot by the orange sun, he spiraled down to die,

Yet the ground opened under him, caught by the Devil nearby.

He said God's scraps are pure crap and mine always to be,

Any mental or ill health, are all torture plans for me.

That being up top, he never stops, only wanting Angels regrettably,

But any defect is deep regret, so he bin bags them for me.

The butterfly replied through blurry eyes, looking up to cloudy sky,

Those scraps may be your crap, but to me I have to ask why?

I suspect you've wept and over kept, fake Ken's and pretend Barbies,

You've lost out on a real corrupt soul, all just to take me?

I maybe Heaven scorned but I'm not Hell born, even if now owned by thee,

But I won't play or sing your Devil songs, and kill just to please.

Because Devil crap ain’t bubble wrapped, your realm won't be shaped by me,

Your worshipers are just irreparable and have no souls to need.

The horned one debated some before over come, and let the butterfly go,

No more time for talking now, he flapped his wing so fast not slow.

He was very high, clouds below, this was a path he didn't know,

Yet just as he faded and starting to doubt, from afar came a bright light show,

When he had flown high enough, he neared a glimmering shore,

So happy he was when Heaven neared, soon he'd tire no more.

The butterfly had made it up, he had landed right at Heaven's door,

But St. Peter said, “No luck son, UKIPS in, we don't take insects no more”

© 2020 – All Rights Reserved - Robert Reid

What is a SKREWBALL POEM?

A "Skrewball poem", or in short "a Skrew", is a poem with short lines and multiple rhyming or repeated words, often with letters missing or shortened or written in text speech and is a means to convey a story or tale from the Screwed up poet to a Screwed up reader. 

Like a Story, Poem and Screw, a Skrew has a thread to it, however loosely interpreted. It may just be one single word that it used in multiple scenarios, or it may be a whole theme behind the story written in the style of a poem.

A "True SKЯ3W" is a poem, with many nonsensical rhyming lines, often written without any inclination by the author to give a fuck about what words he is SKЯ3WING you with.