SKЯ3W

Skr3w, screw, barney McSkrew,

Screw them all and screw u too,

Been in a screw job n not 2 few,

Diablo witch screwed r whole crew.

Coz a screws a joe pullin u out of bed,

Stand by the wall put ur hands on ur head,

Open ur pockets and spins out ur bed,

A tru screw never 4gets a word uve said.

Coz a screw in the jaws pain u can't ignore,

Dental abcess my raw jaw is sore,

Too many meds n the floor is my whore,

N I can't even KO headbutting the door.

Coz a screw under my tyre is nothing new,

A skank neighbours plan n I've had a few,

Stuck roadside wiv nothing to do,

Ur wallets blank n ur mates r too.

Coz a screw on a driver is a tool jus right,

Always beware of that tool in a fight,

Plunge that shank n rotate it tight,

Bein pulled close as ur pupils unlight.

Coz a screw with a bird cud be overdue,

It could be the best screw u never knew,

Unthread ur stress the best u can do,

Unpop ur cork as ur nads turn blue.

Coz a screw aint a nail still I nailed it gd,

If u had to Google then u misunderstood,

That the thread of this Scr3w was meant 2 b good,

It only rhymes becoz I Skrewed it good.

© 2020 Rob Reid in pain after the dentist put a filling on top of an abscess!

Fluffy The Cat

I challenged Clare from Creative Writing group to write me a Skrew and I would do her a poem about a cat. This is the nicest you will get from me I guess.....

Fluffy

Clare's neighbours friend had a funny and fat, smelly hairy cat,
It was furry n called Fluffy and it liked lying on it's back.
It liked to roll around in the mud and chase the odd scared rat,
But could never understand why it was always forced to sit on a mat.
It's owner would scream at Fluffy, it was always shouting and yell,
Not that Fluffy covered in mud n poo, could ever really tell.
Whenever she came indoors covered in her stinky smell,
Her owners mouth moved up and down so fast but Fluffy loved that outside garden smell.
It loved to play outside rolling around in the grass and the dirt and weeds,
Chasing things in the air that only special cats could only ever see.
Her owner thought Fluffy was mad as she watched her climb her precious trees,
Then she would come in and spread the newly cleaned home, with all her fleas.
One day the owner got so mad due to the cat ruining her pristine home,
She'd spent all day cleaning it ridding it of cat mess wherever Fluffy would roam,
So she rang up the RSPC and complained Fluffy had infectious mad cat syndrome.
She could handle Fluffy no more, she'd ruined 2 many packs of fresh flea combs.
So one day some men in white turned up as Fluffy was playing in the garden,
Fluffy was so scared she looked and begged at her owner for a pardon.
But her owner had enough of her high jinx, and her will just hardened.
Fluffy was led away, a criminal cat, but she had one more piss on the rose garden.
It was not Fluffy's fault that she was born a fat fun filled smelly garden cat.
And it was so sad that her owner couldn't just see through that.
Fluffy was led off to an RSPCA jail in a cage, with just a single mat.
There was no grass with mud n poo to play in, and Fluffy really hated that.

© 2021 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid