SKЯ3WBALLED

Monday, 8 May 2023

Anxiety

I’ve got the pain, the pain, that anxious pain in my head again.

I don’t wanna go out coz I got the shame, that shame of forgetting peeps’ names.

Do u see those eyes on me, balling me, balling me, eyeballing me in the shop?

I don’t want 2 speak coz my brain is gonna stall on me, stall on me, make me stutter, choke n stop.

I wanna curl up in a ball n just crawl into a deep dark hole n hide.

But I’m forced to see people eyeballing me, balling me n looking unhappy n snide.

The anxiety hits me so bad, whenever I get stressed or rushed 4 time.

I used 2 make it worse, full paranoid schizo, by doing cheeky pub toilet top lines.

When I see peeps’ I don’t know in the street coming @ me, I walk past em a mile n a half wide.

N when I can’t find my wallet or phone, I’m on that dark painful panic filled slide.

All I wanna do is get my meds, my pills, crunch em up, n hopefully knock myself out.

Coz I can’t handle the fear when people get upset with me or angry n scream n shout.

What have I done to deserve this constant fear n anxious pain?

All I do is repeat the same steps n get that fear over n over again.

Where’s my keys, I’ve lost them, have u seen em? I’m gonna go mad.

Ten minutes later I realise there in my pockets so deep, I already had.

So just give me my meds, my pills n capsules, I need 2 calm down.

I’ve been on em so long, my script would knock any Zoo Elephant down.

N I can’t get off em coz I need professional help n time, which aint even here.

So talk of Detox n using Mindfulness or CBT, is not even near.

It seems the Government has shut down all the free rehabs 2 save on their cash.

They think I can just cut down at home alone, I wouldn’t even get a good bash.

No1 understands the fear n panic from anxiety I get in my head.

So I just put up with the pain, the fear, the balling n stay in my bed.

Sunday, 30 April 2023

Blank

Blank, blank,

Blankety Blank,

Got no wheels with throttle,

My life is wank.

I've got to that stage,

In a hospital cage.

Where's my brain?

Scared 2 turn that page.

Drip drip,

Drip, drop, drip.

Stop them beeps,

Clickity click.

Blood stained hands,

N broken pans.

But a penny weighs a penny.

And a fag weighs a gram.

Shrinks n Docs have a meeting,

Am I there? Where's my seating?

2 of my minds often collide,

Forgotten goodbyes, forgotten greetings.

You take this n I'll take that,

Falling downstairs n baseball bats.

So give me more pills and ignore the meows,

Looking so scared as they tighten the sack.

I'm not really sure,

If I'm rotten to the core?

My mind's so blank,

Does anyone care anymore?

Sometimes it seems,

Life's just one long dream.

It was coffee one sugar,

N they skipped the cream.

Still, I had a good go,

Despite meds making me slow.

Pharmacy's dealings,

Kept my brain from healing.

So here I am,

Mangled cold spam.

Only in my forties,

A blank brained man.

Wednesday, 5 April 2023

Give Me My Meds!

Wheres the coffee lady?

I'm Choca moca crazy.

Drink at least 10 a day,

N then I piss it all away.

On the headphones,

Locked in a music zone.

Coz Golden Brown,

Used 2 lay me down.

N Sweet Child of Mine,

Gave the devil a fine.

But I just want 2 bet,

But NHS WiFi won't let.

Ran out of mobile data,

Opera VPN hater.

Hanging out of windows,

Get a 4G signal if close.

I still just wanna bet,

Am I a gambling addict yet?

Weekend racing sun,

Only betting is good fun.

Wattsapp calls,

A patient falls.

I can b happy like herb,

Still use fuck as a verb.

Medical notes on me,

Paranoid schizo I'll be.

I ask pls get my clonazepam,

Or I'll b talking 2 an invisible man.

The pregabs n benzos,

Keep me calm n mellow.

But don't give em 2 me,

We'll see how psychotic I can B.

Don't want 2 hurt no one,

But I can kick off n run.

Security r just in my way,

Get beaten but they'll pay.

Broken spoon spike chiv,

Not a nice gift to give.

Don't tell me u ain't got my meds,

Coz u won't put me 2 bed.

NHS strapped cash,

Always hv my own stash.

Can't trust em 2 hv my pills,

Wud just screw wiv my will.

So it's NHS v Rob Reid,

N u expect me 2 not to feed.

Sweets, gabs n Morphine,

Keeps Rob nice n clean.

Call me an NHS junky,

At least I'm not robbing ur Granny.

Call me a hypocrite,

See damage of constant hits.

Now I'm ending this Skrew,

N hope u learned something new.

Friday, 31 March 2023

Digging

Ultrasound,

Vein found.

Scanner needed,

Nurses pleaded.

Veins very deep,

Chose 2 keep.

Arteries everywhere,

So dig with care.

Sharp scratch,

Nice catch.

Red flows in,

From a vertical pin.

2nd hand dartboard,

Diggers I ignored.

Happy nurses,

I hardly noticed.

© 2023 All Rights Reserved

Thursday, 30 March 2023

Guess Now This is Life

Dying men,

Crying friends.

Here 2 mend,

Near their end.

Hot coffee,

N sticky toffee.

Don't cry n plea,

Let's look n see.

Open PC consoles,

Have a nose.

Blood pressure rose,

Coz my Mum showed.

Mental health,

List of wealth.

Psychotic dealt,

Depressive melt.

Just met a girl,

Used 2 bang n whirl.

Now a twig hurl,

Health dealt a curl.

Nepalese nurses,

Abandonded purses.

Mooching curses,

Open hearses.

Don't pay a fee,

NHS is free.

Nice nurses 2 see,

All helping me.

Not that they can,

Off 4 a scan.

This wasn't my plan,

But I'm on life's ban.

Guess now this is life,

Won't be getting a wife.

Not joining lowlife,

I'll end mine with a knife.

Thursday, 9 March 2023

Moonlight Pipe

Spoon washed half cut white baked moonlight,

I'm sadly back on the pipe but still smiling.

Though hungry, broke and cold the next day,

N it’s frowns n the bank that’s dialling.

It's early doors n a room full of smoke n joke,

I’ve sadly succumbed 2 my old ways.

Burning spontex n cleaning glass pipes,

I don’t want 2 slip down to them danger days.

We got a gun dealer in here just for fun,

Blagging hot n cold his jib I’m not sure.

Got one hand on my shank in my coat,

As I try to sit calm n quiet by the door.

He’s got a little 20 year old young ting,

Hanging on his jacket he’s just showing her 4 play.

She’s only taking blowbacks right now,

But within a week she’ll be selling herself 4 pay.

He’s blowing out smoke through a shooter,

N he’s trying to act all fit n cool.

I’ve already marked out spots on his bod,

That’ll I’ll be digging in hard with my tool.

Every bodies eyeing up every other body,

It’s schiz 2 the bliz and paranoia central.

Peeps eying peeps white on black kept tight,

I can’t handle this n my minds already half mental.

A harsh old haunt n drawn droop eye lids,

It’s a game for others n I don’t wanna play.

Carpet picking curtain twitching wired old men,

But least my blank bank account will hav the final say.

Sunday, 12 February 2023

I wanna

I wanna punch, I wanna hit,

I want to fight n I wanna be bit.

Any takers I'll fight you all,

The leg-shaking vibe is breaking walls.

That club is shit and the bouncers bent,

Steroid freaks that I wanna end.

Broken bottle to the neck,

I don't mind a few glass flecks.

Or a chiv in the gut-deep sliced,

Made from a pen n razor blade ice.

But I'm stuck in this black chair,

Adrenaline rushing life's just unfair.

I wanna go out and kick at my black bag,

But my legs won't let me they just sag.

I wanna hit the fucking wall,

And wanna hit bricks till I ultimately fall.

I wanna hurt, I wanna feel more pain,

But I don't need to slice meat off my leg again.

I wanna someone else to take a shot,

And I wanna let them hit me like a rock.

So do I wanna live or do I wanna die,

Or I do I just wanna make myself cry.

I dunno what I really wanna do,

My mind doesn't even have a clue..

I just wanna make myself feel real,

But I can't even finish this poxy 2 line reel.....