SKЯ3WBALLED

Wednesday, 13 July 2022

Whether....

Whether you're wise or clever, is a problem not,

The problem is inside your head, dumb bloodclot.

You're anchored to bondage, for time non-stop,

And only the devil can free your soul, head rot.

The sun hurts your eyes in the morning, red raw,

And you don't get off your back too much, bed sore.

Whether you can break free is a debate, no more,

You've been chained to the pain for too long, get hacksaw.

It will take time and effort and what's left is thin,

Any plans you had will change with the weather, head spin.

Whether it rains or snows is not in your power, wet skin,

That empty feeling in your gut may get filled, from within.

Your life has been one long film script, Oscars no doubt,

And the demons that haunt your brain will linger, break out.

So get off your arse and let the pain begin, without,

That teddy bear womb feeling you've held on to for so long, check out.

Because without a change you're doomed for the bin, recycled no,

And that pain will seep through your skin, from deep below.

So you've tried and failed many times before, with sorrow,

But before you die from lack of spirit why not give it one more last go.

This won The Creative Writing Groups bi-monthly Competition for Best Poem July 2022.

Drips....

Drip drop drip drop,

Watching IV fluid non-stop.

30 min bag so they say,

But I've been counting drops half the day.

Celestines on another mental rant,

Too young 2 b sectioned so a Bible chant.

She thinks she's been saved by a religious man,

Running around pulling plugs out coz she can.

Reciting Genesis word from word,

I point 2 fingers at her eyes n tell her it's absurd.

An ancient Sumerian creation myth was passed down.

From land to empire a trick the Romans turned around.

She's skinny as fuck but been put on Olanzapine,

I don't think she realises what a real mean teen really means.

She got on my tits when the shower was off,

I gave her the evil eye n told her off.

Just u wait til ur in a locked padded room with 3 other loons,

You'll be doing the Largactil shuffle pretty soon.

I'm on a locked ward in 30 degree heat,

The stench of death leaks from legs like rotting meat.

I kicked off before n ill kick off again,

They just go lardy da thinking I'm insane.

This is a mental ward with very disturbed patients,

I count myself as one when I lose my patience.

"Don't worry Rob" they lie to my face,

As doctors hide, I run n chase.

"Honestly, your benzos r coming very soon,"

Saying that all day n night all 2 the same very tune.

If u don't come equipped ur going to rattle,

Every muggy day locked up is a daily battle.

I seemed 2 hv got a monthly rotation at this HMP,

I see nurses n dox that I know, looking scared wen they jus see me.

I think I've got to that stage of my life,

My mental n physical health is gone I'm on the dive.

So I count these drips from the bag as they drip n drop,

N plug my earphones in 2 block the rot.

Tuesday, 12 July 2022

Scumbag......

It's a world of mad sensory silence,

My head is full of memories of scraps n violence,

Come on I ask "Whose got a blade"?

"Why?" Well, I've got plenty of numbers to shave.

I'll always be quick n very close up,

Silent and deadly, like a hot shot dose up.

Why wud u pay 2 C me in a cage?

The whole world is my story's mad stage.

I never did kill a man for his giro today,

I waited a whole month n took a whole company's pay.

Black n blue my eyes still shine thru,

However, what I picture I can't even describe 2 u.

I got many wounds, many too deep,

Picking dead flesh out always sends me to sleep.

I reckon I'm just a low-down scumbag,

Ready to shake ur hand before robbing ur shot bags.

Postcode blacks always come down from town,

Think they can rule till we run them all down.

Clawhammer to the jaw n someone takes them gold teeth,

Cars being rammed n runners being tortured as they carry out St beef.

It can be a whole world of terror n fear out there,

N it's all daily news that your local paper will never ever hear.

They fight in the dark, taking alleys one by one,

But the really sad thing is that they think it's all good fun.

Monday, 11 July 2022

I'm Not Going Out Like That.....

To be honest I've been thinking a lot about suicide,

I don't want to die alone, not knowing where I am, no shame to hide.

Pants down grown man, being washed like a kid who cries,

Minds all turned to mush, your own memories a tall lie.

So I've decided I'm not going out like that,

The only decision is to find a way to sucker that bat.

Pills n Whisky my old man says is his only choice of going splat,

A single malt mixed with sleepers n then a fall into a whisky vat.

For me I need more, n I dunno what kind of painless way,

Don't need 2 be spending a ton on pills n powder 2 not only go one way.

I need so much dark, XANS n booze, I'll have to start saving today,

A piggy bank stash of cash all wrapped up, set for my final day.

It may seem to you like I'm taking the coward's way out,

When you've been stuck with senile men, you wouldn't have any doubt.

I ain't going out like that, an old grown man baby without any clout,

Think it's braver to use a shooter, N blow my own mushed brains straight out.

That day will certainly come but I have no idea of the time n date n when,

I just hope I don't go senile first, N 4get to pull that trigger again.

Coz yesterday was supposed 2 be my last on earth, with a failing brain,

I forgot 2 write a post-it note 2 tell me 2 flush my life down the drain again!

Monday, 20 June 2022

Shopping

Running, running n alley shotting,

Got a fiend on ur back it's one stop shopping.

Want some food I'll deliver to you,

Send me your postcode I'll be there in 2.

You want some dark, your bird looks smooth,

Have some free white I'll be her 2nd best friend soon.

I got money n rings n blowers n ching,

And an anal cavity that can stash an ounce of ting.

Another 6 o'clock knock n the front doors a flop,

But if they don't find suss I aint goin to their shop.

I got a webcam front door with an eagles eye,

A screen on the wall, that cops always ask why?

Coz tenancy is a loose term to me,

Get thrown from one I'll be a cuckoo in three.

Offer them some white n watch em suck that pipe,

Make em shot 4 me as I play Xbox all night.

Counting the notes as I hold my shank close,

Never know whose going 2 steam the pad n try 2 break my nose.

It's a life full of dealing death out cheap for bank,

N I tell myself I've been forced 2 this coz my life's been wank.

You can all get together to gloat, shout, drill n accuse,

But I'd like to see u try to do 925 after a life of social abuse.

So just read ur Daily Mail n keep giving ur kids pocket money,

Coz it's the rich white flush who always come shopping to me.

Saturday, 18 June 2022

Prickles

I am awake but now I'm sad,

For coming out of the vivid dream I had.

For now this time is really real,

And no one can imagine the pain I feel.

I have nothing to really live now for,

And my past is a closed dusty history door.

Time has flown past way too fast,

And the status quo will never last.

I know that I am going to die alone,

N when I feel down I have no one to phone.

I only want to stay asleep in my bed,

Just have sweet opiate dreams til I'm dead.

Coz conscious me is having no fun,

Nobody has a clue about the mental pain I've done.

It seems this life has no place for me,

It seems I'm just a thorn on a prickly tree.

Friday, 17 June 2022

A Pointless Task

I put those leads to my nips from the battery in the car,

Hoped for the best but just ended up looking at stars.

So I drank 250ml of that lovely oral morph,

Did squat all so I wanna be squashed down to a dwarf.

A jump from Ben Nevis 2 the floor but it’s up Scotland,

N I can’t afford the petrol for my body to land.

Once I tried a blade just to try on my wrist,

But I got no blood inside me so it was a worthless risk.

I took a box of blues and then a bottle of zans,

Woke in an airbag halfway through a wall in a stolen van.

I’m running of ideas to try and top myself,

My body just doesn’t wanna seem to kill itself.

So I’m depressed n mad n sad n can hardly move,

But my bodies got something in it that won’t let me lose.