PLEASE HELP KEEP OUR CREATIVE WRITING GROUP ALIVE!

 

Please help keep our Creative Writing group alive as funding has been cut as the Government doesn't think Creative Writing is a good way to help people with mental health issues. They prefer 3-hour lectures where you get a certificate at the end for listening to information you already know.

This site, all my stories, and poems, plus the whole style of Skrew poetry all came from this class. 

Without it I would be stuck at home bored without a good way to let out my thoughts. Please have a read of some of my poems, and stories (links down the right hand side), if you want to see what I have managed to achieve since starting this course,

Any size of donation would be appreciate. Click the image or go to this link to donate > Go Fund Me.

District Nurse

Buzz, buzz, buzz,

It's 3pm n there's ladies at my door.

I don't think I'm in any luck,

Still they want my pants on the floor.

Oh District Nurse, Ladies first,

Come in n scratch my holes.

Please don't make it worse,

I wouldn't want to reverse them roles.

I may still need 2 instruct them,

On the tools of their trade.

A vacuum pump in action,

With faulty errors on display.

One nurse is the lucky one,

As she always gets to visit me.

She never complains less ten bits,

But that's why she's the trainee.

She don't know a black hole from a white one,

Its just all stuff out in space.

The only hole she wants 2 invade,

Is the one in my special place.

They come n change that foam,

Cut some more sticky tape.

I think there should be a website,

To ask a nurse out on a date.

"Come see my hole",

Would be my profile tag.

Then a rush of nurses,

Swipe right 2 see my vacuum bag.

Sometimes they come in one's,

Sometimes they come in two's.

The whole area needs training,

They all need 2 see my hole ooze.

Patch me up n empty that canister,

Leave all their fluff on my floor.

They don't even bother 2 clean up,

Before they're sharpish out my door.

Oh n then there's the District Nurse,

Tall n lovely but a screw loose in her head.

She can undrill it with no fuss,

And we compare hole puss on the bed.

But trainee District Nurse,

It's the last time that we meet.

Do 1 last thing before leave,

N give me your digits for a treat?

I promise it wouldn't be perverse,

My blood pressures 2 low for hot sex.

But we could have phone conversed,

N let me send u pics of my hole by text.

Then you could come n visit,

N look in my hole just for fun.

I'm just so very glad,

That I can't see over my own bum.

With you looking in my hole,

And me looking over ur back,

I think there's a crap film on TV,

I think Mrs Doubtfire's back.

So many District Nurses have come 2 visit,

Plodding n trodding mess up my stairs.

But they always have the best laugh,

As they rip out all my hairs.

I'm happy to have met you nurses,

N I hope u enjoyed healing my hole.

I might just have 2 get a new one,

Just to see you all.

© 2021 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid 

Vac Pump

Vac Pump

Bish bash bosh,

Had another cosh,

Woke up in the morning,

Now I need a blood soaked wash.

My vac pump is annoying,

I find it soul destroying,

Got man bag n tube on the shoulder,

But life I aint enjoying.

It's another lock down for me,

Stuck on bed watching TV,

Only peeps I speak 2 r few nurses,

But get tangled up when I wanna pee.

This damn things always beeping,

With wound sometimes severe leaking,

But I get bored jus lying on the bed,

But move anywhere n leg cud start seeping.

Its doing my nut nut right in,

Getting tangled tubes round a nearby bin,

I wanna scratch this deep hole right out,

But to the nurses it be a mortal sin.

So I'm either stuck here on the bed,

Or wake up after hacking, resting laptop on my head,

My time scales r way way upside down inside out,

Like someone's turned over my timer like an egg.

All I wanna do is go out n hav a walk,

Maybe meet some peeps n hav a talk.

But this canister full of leg soaked blood n shit,

Will only make ppl stare n gawk.

So I stay stuck like a COVID brick,

My self isolation is no self owned trick.

Sometimes wish I was back in Frimley Park HMP,

Sweet nurses beep beep call, n morphine lollies 2 lick.

So life right now aint nearly so so great,

But got to thank someone unknown for my fate,

And the scar etched in 2 my forehead,

Stands L for Lucky for stopping a yucky mucky deadly date.

© 2021 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

Fluffy The Cat

I challenged Clare from Creative Writing group to write me a Skrew and I would do her a poem about a cat. This is the nicest you will get from me I guess.....

Fluffy

Clare's neighbours friend had a funny and fat, smelly hairy cat,
It was furry n called Fluffy and it liked lying on it's back.
It liked to roll around in the mud and chase the odd scared rat,
But could never understand why it was always forced to sit on a mat.
It's owner would scream at Fluffy, it was always shouting and yell,
Not that Fluffy covered in mud n poo, could ever really tell.
Whenever she came indoors covered in her stinky smell,
Her owners mouth moved up and down so fast but Fluffy loved that outside garden smell.
It loved to play outside rolling around in the grass and the dirt and weeds,
Chasing things in the air that only special cats could only ever see.
Her owner thought Fluffy was mad as she watched her climb her precious trees,
Then she would come in and spread the newly cleaned home, with all her fleas.
One day the owner got so mad due to the cat ruining her pristine home,
She'd spent all day cleaning it ridding it of cat mess wherever Fluffy would roam,
So she rang up the RSPC and complained Fluffy had infectious mad cat syndrome.
She could handle Fluffy no more, she'd ruined 2 many packs of fresh flea combs.
So one day some men in white turned up as Fluffy was playing in the garden,
Fluffy was so scared she looked and begged at her owner for a pardon.
But her owner had enough of her high jinx, and her will just hardened.
Fluffy was led away, a criminal cat, but she had one more piss on the rose garden.
It was not Fluffy's fault that she was born a fat fun filled smelly garden cat.
And it was so sad that her owner couldn't just see through that.
Fluffy was led off to an RSPCA jail in a cage, with just a single mat.
There was no grass with mud n poo to play in, and Fluffy really hated that.

© 2021 All Rights Reserved Robert Reid

3....

The doxs tell me I might only hv 3 months to live.

That means 3 peeps have got less time to give.

I got a murder list 1, 2, 3.

If u ain't on it ur lucky to breathe.

Dog shit on a chiv is a chemical weapon 2 me.

The 1st fat cunt is going to suffer to breathe.

Stolen cars n head bandanas is all he will see.

Next thing he knows he'll be bleeding out on my knee.

Next MoFo is going to be cut to bits.

Might even have a shooter n blow him to shit.

I'm going to make him suffer for batting my blitz.

N going to see the pupils in his eyes shrink to nitz.

Next MoFo is the one that got away.

Tried paying ppl to set him up but he ran that pay.

Might be a Pikie but he's going only one way.

N wen I see his corpse it will be a happier day.

Don't think I'm a cunt coz I got a 3 long list.

Used to have a sheet that took the piss.

Ex bosses, wankers n coworker tits.

There lucky I forgave em n there off my list.

If I got 3 months on earth then this is my job to be.

N if u see me caught I'll wave 2 u on court TV.

Just be thankful that the list is only 3.

Coz if I get mad about dying I'm going to expand that tree.

 

© 2021 Murder Skrew HMP Frimley 2021

The Fall Of Kabul

The fall of Kabul, was not as mighty as my fall.

3am head bashing the sink, didn't know, skull was on show.

Woke up on the bathroom floor, not too unusual though.

Til I got to the docs, n the nurses all crowed.

Ambulance trip to Hoz, n apparently another collapse.

Wake up to find 2 Dox, putting stitches in my bonce n laughed.

Got green bruised chest, n cuts on my neck n calves.

N then a trippy freak out op, up in hospital lofts n rafts.

Walked past a doc smoking, said he'd be cutting me up.

Walk into a loft like room, with not a sink or a cup.

Tripping my tits off, on multi meds n fucked.

To see 20 ppl all smiling at me, n some wishing me luck.

Lines in my neck, n about 40 new pin holes.

Lines n tubes, coming out of orifices painful to use.

Bin bags in my thighs, with chunks cut off like abuse.

N I got no idea, if my leg will be of any future use.

Then I was in a wonder world, of Frimley Park unseen.

I swear my op was done in a bat attic, by a top Doc A team.

Was in the ICU, Emergency D, n rooms I've never seen.

Spent 4 days in a basement, full on ACID beam.

Swear they were experimenting with me, mixing up my meds.

Taking me off benzos, then fucking with my head.

Clonidine makes a minute, seem like an hour brain shred.

All the time your stuck lying, flat in your bed.

Finally get on a ward, with ppl ok to be.

But half of them, only got a leg cut from the knee.

If I'm losing a peg, it will be from the thigh. 

N even been told it might b 2 late, n I still might even die.

But I ain't got the time to worry, sob be sad n cry.

I got a list of ppl to take out, b4 I can say goodbye.

© 2021 Leg Skrew on Skrew off - Rob Reid

Bored - Ward F7

I'm so bored, bored, bored, bored.

Locked drawers been jimmied, n meds already been chawed.

My ward mates been shipped off, so I'm now officially ignored.

Parents on a cruise holidaying it, having fun abroad.

I'm so bored, bored, bored, bored.

Feel like ripping security just 2 not b ignored.

Most of these nurses up town cud make top $ bein whored.

Why they do this job, is only known by the Lord.

I'm so bored, bored, bored bored.

I got a room full of old gits, stuck with me on my ward.

Never heard of headphones, so its loud nightly cricket scores.

Oh n hour long history lessons, about Nigeria on radio 4.

God I'm so bored, bored, bored, bored.

Might walk the corridors, pulling fire alarm cords.

Watch as porters collide, trying 2 evacuate patient hoards.

I've wandered so much, the whole hospitals been explored.

Someone put me in a coma, coz I'm so fucking bored,

I wanna wake up, when my leg ain't so raw.

I can't handle this boredom, n extras already been knawed,

I wish I could escape, by just pulling an emergency cord.

God plz help me, coz I'm so fucking bored.

If u aint got a plan, there's a few old bangers we cud chaw.

Go 4 a joyride, n hav a drink, do some drugs n maybe some whores,

Then solemnly back to Ward F7, where patients r taken 2 b bored.

© 2021 Rob Reid